On December 14, a HORRIFIC tragedy happened. 20 innocent children and 6 adults were murdered in a completely senseless act of evil. There's no rationale or understanding it, despite the 24 hour news coverage and all the guesses as to what caused it.
When I heard the news, I was shocked, horrified and completely heartbroken. My thoughts immediately went to the mothers that no longer had their babies to tuck into bed. The tiny souls that were taken too soon, are constantly on my mind. And I'm not ashamed to say I had a lot of anxiety. I was scared about going on into public places, scared for my kids, scared to go to work, etc.
You see, I know what it feels like to have a loved one ripped away from you without so much as a warning. I know what it feels like to have lose someone to murder, a horrible act of violence. It destroys your world, and changes everything in a matter of seconds. You are never the same person after something like that happens to you, especially when it becomes a media frenzy/top story. I remember thinking after Kelsey was killed, "Everyone is going on with their normal lives, and I can't even seem to make it through an hour without falling apart."
And I think that's where a lot of my fear and anxiety was coming from. To some degree, I know the feelings that those people in Connecticut are feeling right now. The "why us", the "how did this happen", the "why is everyone else acting totally normal". I wanted to breakdown and hug my babies for hours on end and not let them go anywhere without me ever. Because I know what it's like to lose a loved one to murder. And I don't want to feel it again. I also felt guilty that I was able to go about my everyday life and I felt so sad that anyone else had to feel the immense grief and pain that comes with an event like this.
But I had to distance myself from all the news coverage and the countless internet articles, because the anxiety and overwhelming sadness were threatening to swallow me up. These families need time and space to heal not a camera lens shoved down their throats! Coping with the untimely death of a loved one is never easy, but when the story is being played on every media outlet there is, it's incredibly difficult to cope.
I want those in Newtown to know, that I grieve with them, that they aren't forgotten. As we move closer to Christmas, I will remember those families who have holes in them now, the ones who have presents that will never be opened. I know it's a rough road without a lot of answers. I am one of those fortunate enough to have my family surrounding me this holiday, and I will cherish it all.