I realize that there are seasons to mothering. Sometimes you feel on top of the world. There are times when I can't imagine doing anything other than rocking a baby to sleep or deciphering toddler speak. Times when I absolutely love being down on the floor with my kiddos and taking in all the wonders of carpet fuzz! I LOVE hearing them laugh and play together and those times make me feel like the best mom in the universe, that I couldn't and shouldn't even think of doing anything more than being there soaking up time with the kids.
Unfortunately I haven't been feeling that a lot lately. I have been experiencing the opposite season. The season of annoyance and exhaustion. Of just not feeling adequate or even needed at all. Mostly I've been pretty self centered, wondering if anyone even appreciated all the self sacrificing I was doing? You know all the cleaning up messes, diaper changes, wiping of snotty noses, fighting sleepy kids at bedtime, the missed showers, etc. I let the stress of moving and cramped quarters really influence my parenting. I had very little patience, my frustration level was always maxed out, and I was just irritable in general. I know, it sounds petty after seeing it all typed out there, but it's how I was feeling. But today really snapped me out of it. I finally realized that instead of having a justified annoyance about it all, I was just being mean and selfish. Despite all of that, my family came through and celebrated today in style.
I signed up to be a mom. The good AND the bad. It can't always be puppies and rainbows and I can't get bent out of shape every time we have a tough time or circumstance come up. Reading the cards from my kids and Ryan really made appreciate the blessings that they are. My kids love me, like their eyes light up when I come in the room kind of love. Like they cry when I leave kind of love. My husband loves me and appreciates all I do, which was incredibly evident in his card today. He works hard to make sure I can have this time with our kids, to be an active stay at home mom. One who plays, who strives to say yes more than no, one who cuddles and kisses. He doesn't work all day so I can complain to him about the poopy diapers, the whining, and the bad attitudes from all of us.
This Mother's Day was just a day of clarity for me. It showed me how blessed I am that I have two little people who call me Mommy and who are clamoring for my attention. And it lit a fire in me to be more intentional with them.
Happy Mother's Day to all of you mamas out there!