My name is Lindsey and I often promise to blog more than once a month and then forget/get busy with life/have writer's block/some other random excuse. Promise it's nothing personal, but I just can't seem to find motivation to stay on the blogging train lately.
I originally wanted to blog so that I could have a record of when the kids hit their milestones or did something super cute, but then it turned into more of an outlet for me. I got to put words to emotions which helped me sort through the sometimes crazy life of having two kids 16 months apart in age! And these last couple of months, I have really come to miss it! Even if there isn't a single person out there reading my rambles, it's actually beneficial for me to process through my thoughts and feelings and put them into words that make sense to me.
Take for instance the first week of June, it was the anniversary of my sister's abduction, sexual assault, and murder. Every year I try to pretend that June is just another summer month and I don't need to dwell on any negative thoughts, and every year I wake up on June 2nd wondering why I am in a funk. And then I remember, and I am constantly mulling over the "what if's and we never go to's" for the rest of the week. Like "What if Kelsey had gone to Target 10 minutes later?" and "My kids never got to meet Aunt Kels."
Or how about the more everyday things like 3 year old sass and tantrums?! Anyone else dealing with this? I swear, some days Sarah is the sweetest little girl in the whole world, and other days I am counting down the minutes until Daddy gets home and/or she's asleep. I used to love her advanced vocabulary, and I still LOVE hearing the things she talks about! But, that attitude? Yeah it can go. It's so weird to love someone SO much but also be SO frustrated with them at the same time! But I guess that goes for all toddlers.
Andrew is currently trying to reconfigure his sleeping schedule. And he didn't have the common courtesy to tell me about it! He stays up late into the night, sometimes it's my fault because hey it's summer and we have nothing planned for tomorrow - not usually a good idea. Sometimes it's his fault because he just sits in his crib talking or singing until hours past bedtime. On top of that, he's beenm waking up earlier and some days has just flat out refused to nap at all. I could really use my good sleeper back about now. Because this mama is over worked and quite frankly exhausted.
I'm still working 3-4 evenings a week on top of being home with the kids during the day and I have to give a standing ovation to all the working mamas out there. I don't know how you do it!! I only work part time and I still feel like I am stretched thin and barely have time to myself! Throw in the daily stresses of bills that need paid, work schedules, kids needing raised, dogs needing taken care of and I'm all sorts of tuckered out!
So there's what's been on my mind lately, and I will try to get back to blogging more regularly and actually do it!