Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Housewife Correspondence

There are a few letters I have been meaning to write and since there's really no address to send them to, here they are.

Dear Laundry,

I hate you! Every time I think I have you beat, you sneak back in the form of baby clothing that has been spit up or pooped on. I can handle washing you but the folding and putting away, you have me beat there. We are currently in a fight because I got so fed up with you that I folded all two weeks worth of clean clothes in one night. It only took about two hours. I was tired of one corner of my living room being taken up by all of your baskets. So for now I think I may actually be ahead. Your baskets are gone and my dirty hamper only has a few items in it. The washer and dryer are currently empty. However I know you are waiting around the corner to take over again. Let's just say that I have won this battle but you will most likely have tomorrow's. This is going to be a never ending war. At least we are both now aware of this fact.

Dear Dirty Dishes,

Please vacate my sink. That is all I need to say to you. I know that with the addition of the baby you multiplied because of our population of bottles, milk storage tubes, and pump parts. However the sink is not an acceptable residence. The dishwasher seems to be vacant, you should try there.

Dear Vacuum,

Have you ever heard of self motivation? My floors need to be cleaned on a more regular basis. I have two black dogs and a beige carpet, not a good combo. So if you could find the time to come out of the hall closet and make your way across the carpet more often I would truly appreciate it. I am satisfied with the work we do together, but I don't feel like I should have to push your weight. Take care of this small issue and we will have a great friendship from here on out. :)

Dear Baby Things,

I would like to inform you that you have assigned spots in Sarah's room. There is no reason for you to be strewn about my apartment as though you don't know this. I am constantly finding burp cloths and toys in strange places. Under the couch, on the dining room table, and under MY bed. Really? You should know better. Please find your way back to Sarah's room at the end of the day so that we can get along again. I don't like tripping over you.

Dear Sleep,

I miss you, can we please be friends again? It's been awhile since we last hung out but I do enjoy your company. I know that my darling baby interrupts us a lot, but I think it's temporary. Eventually I would like to get back to our nightly rendezvous.  I know that you must think I am purposely avoiding you but I promise I'm not. You did nothing to upset me and I miss this relationship in my life. Do you miss me?

I actually do clean my house, I just don't like to.

No comments: