Breastfeeding At An End?

So breastfeeding is NOT easy! There are tons of problems that can come up. Sarah and I did well for the first two weeks, but then something happened. She either forgot how to latch properly or I had supply issues. It could have been a combination of both. Anyway she started losing weight and the pediatrician wanted me to start pumping and giving her bottles so we could keep track of the ounces that she was getting. We did this and Sarah just never took back to nursing. So I went to exclusively pumping. I hooked up to a pump every two to three hours (in the beginning) and fed Sarah on the same schedule. It was slightly chaotic.

This was not the way I had envisioned my breastfeeding experience, but I learned to adapt. I had to be medicated for low supply issues because I could barely keep up with Sarah's appetite. I had no freezer stash and was only one meal ahead at all times. It was so stressful. The first time I took Reglan it worked magnificently. I didn't experience any of the side effects and my supply went way up. I was able to be about 3 meals ahead of Sarah at all times and had even built up a decent amount of frozen milk.

After about two months, I noticed my supply starting to dip again.I had to use my frozen supply and went through all of it. I was getting barely 5 ounces a pump and Sarah eats about 6 ounces. So I called the OB to ask for another dose of Reglan. This time I suffered every side effect. Depression, anxiety, exhaustion, and dizziness. I slept for nearly 18 hours straight, not by choice. I just didn't have any energy. So I stopped taking it. Now my supply is dwindling even further and we have had to supplement with formula a couple of times.

It took me awhile to be okay with supplementing. I had to come to terms with the fact that my ideal situation didn't work out and that plan B failed also. But I learned that it's not my fault and I shouldn't be ashamed. As long as my baby is fed and healthy, everything is okay!