My Poor Girl

Saturday must have been the roughest day of her life. Well, maybe her actual birthday was worse considering she wasn't breathing when she was born, But Saturday was pretty rough on her too. It's a pretty interesting story though.

Sarah has been working on perfecting her new skill of standing without using anything to pull up on. Sometimes she can do it and manage to stay pretty stable and other times she falls flat on her butt. Anyway, she was next to Daddy on the floor and decided to stand up and show off her amazing standing abilities. Unfortunately Daddy was working on his laptop (work deadlines and all that) and Sarah did not have one of her stable stands. She fell and smacked the corner of his laptop with her head. She immediately started screaming and I started freaking out!

Ryan picked her up and a huge goose egg was already forming above her eye. I had Ryan go get one of her teething rings out of the freezer to put on her head. She was still crying at this point, it took a good couple of minutes to calm her down. She let her Daddy hold that frozen ring to her bump for a long time. I was pretty impressed. After she calmed down enough, we gave her some ibuprofen to help with the pain and swelling. And soon enough the whole incident was just a memory, and if it hadn't been for the giant purple knot, no one would have known she hurt herself. (I'm surprised I didn't freak out more. I honestly don't do well with medical things! Luckily there was no blood involved.)

Shortly after she got back to her regular self, it was bath time. Sarah loves her baths, anything that involves water is a sure fire way to get her to smile. (When she's having a really cranky day, I sometimes stick her in the tub to get her to cheer up.) So Ryan was doing the bath routine and I guess Sarah decided to try and crawl away. We haven't ever bathed her in an infant tub. Once she got too big for the sink, it was into the tub with a yellow sponge or a rubber grip mat. Well, I guess the rubber mat didn't do its job. She somehow flipped over and scratched her shoulder/upper back on the drain. Crying started all over again. (Our drain is one of those that you push down to plug the tub so it has a little knob that sticks up.) OUCH! Ryan got her calmed down and ready for bed.

On top of all this, she is battling a cold again. She's pretty congested and has a sad cough. Luckily, all that remains of her battle wounds from Saturday are a red mark on her head and a tiny scratch on her shoulder. But we are still dealing with a sick and teething baby. So instead of ice packs and ibuprofen, I am armed with saline drops, humidifiers, and tissues!

I hope you all had an injury free weekend!

How to Deal

I believe every mother (new or seasoned) struggles with Mommy Guilt. You know those thoughts and feelings of "Am I doing the right thing?" "Will my child know how much I love them?" "Is it okay for me to be crazy frustrated and feel like I'm going to lose my mind if I don't get an hour or two away from this baby?" Those kinds of things.

This is one of my biggest struggles. To be honest, sometimes I make myself sick over whether or not I have made the right choices for Sarah. There are times (a lot recently) when being a stay at home mom has just been so overwhelming to me. Here I am responsible for this tiny little life, I have to fill her needs and help her grown and learn. It's a daunting task, especially for first timers. I constantly worry about what the "right thing" is. In my head I know she's happy, healthy, and loved. But then that guilt creeps in. The "I should haves", "I need tos" "I wishes". You know at night when you think back on your day and see what could have gone differently.

And now I have a new source of guilt. This new baby that's coming. When I found out I was pregnant, I was less than thrilled. I felt like I was robbing Sarah of the time she deserved to be an only child. I felt robbed too, like I was going to miss out on the rest of Sarah's babyhood because I would be big and pregnant and have to divide my time between her and doctor visits.

That of course triggered more guilt. (A vicious cycle.) I felt awful for not being overjoyed about this pregnancy. I hoped my baby wouldn't feel unwanted or unloved when it got here. But I know that a surprise pregnancy takes some time to get used to. We did want more kids, but hadn't planned on a second baby this soon. I didn't feel ready to deal with morning sickness, exhaustion, and the general aches and pains of pregnancy.

 At first I was angry and sad, but now I am getting more excited and ready for it. I mean the experience of already having one, makes it easier to know what's coming with a second.  And I realize that I can do this. I realize that Sarah won't be robbed of anything. She will have one more person to love her and to love. She will be getting a lifelong friend. I know that I can enjoy her and this new baby. It will be tough at times, but just because this wasn't my plan doesn't mean it wasn't supposed to happen.

And all of the discomforts of pregnancy are worth it in the end. The nausea and sleepiness and everything else. Because even if I did scream when I saw that second line, I know that all babies are miracles and that God is blessing us with one more. I have a great family support system in place and some great friends. So even if I feel guilty about the feelings that I struggle with I know I can do this. So all you other mamas out there, just try to let the Mommy Guilt go and be the best mom you can. I know it's what I will be working on.

Wordless Wednesday (Baby Gate Edition)

Family Changes

My little girl won't be the only baby in our family for much longer. It appears that we will be joining the ranks of two under two. It's both a thrilling and terrifying experience for me. But I know that God won't give me more than I can handle. Unfortunately I have a hard time not worrying about some of the logistical things like two car seats, double strollers, nap times and so on. I also worry about how Sarah will adjust to all the changes a new baby entails, but I know that she will most likely do better than I think she will. Although having already done this once, the fear of the unknown is gone and I have more confidence in my ability to handle the newborn stress.

I feel like I have been keeping this to myself for a LONG time. Perhaps this is why my blogging has been a little lazy lately. Every time I sat down to write a post, I found that the only thing I really had to say was that I was pregnant! I have been dying to tell everyone, but wanted to wait until closer to second trimester. Mostly because I have been through the "untelling" before and it wasn't fun and also because there were some people I felt needed to be told before I broad casted it to to the internet. Anyway since we had a good ultrasound, a good first appointment, and now that I am almost 10 weeks, I am okay with letting you all know about baby number two.

Physically, I have been feeling pretty okay. I have bouts of nausea, but nothing compared to what I had with Sarah. Mostly I just feel tired a lot. In fact that's sort of what tipped me off. I was taking evening naps for a few days straight and could barely keep my eyes open past 10:00. (Which if you know me is UNUSUAL.) Lucky for me though, most of the time I am not feeling good, Ryan is home and able to take over on Sarah duty.

But here is a picture of our new little bean that should be arriving sometime around August 24th!

The baby is up at the top of the black circle and yes we have the picture framed with a KSU magnet on our fridge.

Any prayers for our growing family and this new baby will be very much appreciated! I know I will be praying for grace and patience as I go through another pregnancy while trying to be a functional and good mother to my girl!

Big Things Are Happening

That's right, lots of big things are happening around here.

One I think we may have found a sleep system that is working for us and Sarah. it involves putting her in her crib and letting her cry for about 10 minutes. After that Daddy goes in and sits with her and either sings or talks to her. After about 20 - 30 minutes she falls asleep. She immediately stops crying once Ryan goes in there. We are hoping that eventually she will just be able to fall asleep on her own, but until then we are going to stick with this and gradually back off the amount of time Ryan is in her room.

Another big thing going on is that I cooked dinner the other night and everything came out wonderfully. You should know, that I lack nearly every domestic skill known to mankind. I can't sew, I abhor cleaning house, and nearly everything I cook comes out of a box. But last night I made breaded chicken, green bean casserole, and cornbread with honey butter! The chicken came out moist, the casserole was delish, and cornbread is always good! I was extremely happy about how well everything turned out and it actually gave me the motivation and confidence to try out more recipes. So I am open to suggestions!

I have been making it a point to leave the house or do something different in our routine each day, and it has been making a world of difference in my mood and Sarah's too. My sister didn't have school Monday so she spent the day with us and whenever you have someone over, it just makes time go by so much faster. Tuesday I had my brother in-law over because his elementary school was closed for the day. He was so helpful. It made me realize why people would space out their kids so that the older ones could be more independent and help out when needed. Wednesday (yesterday) we got snowed in, but Daddy got to come home early and work from home. This made Sarah super happy. And today was a snow day for my sister so she came back over and spent the day with us! A little randomness thrown into our routine made everyone a much happier camper.

Oh and my camera is finally charged again so you all can expect more pictures of Sarah soon. That means Wordless Wednesdays will be back so hopefully my blogging attempt will go back to at least once a week. It's been rather pathetic lately.

And the last big thing is that changes are coming to this family. That's all I have for now. But stay tuned for more on this last one.

In a Funk

Lately I have been in a funk where I don't feel like doing much. It might be the colder weather, or the cranky baby that refuses to sleep. Or it could be something totally different. I'm not too sure. All I know is that I need to find some way to get myself out of it.

Sarah has never been a stellar sleeper. She still wakes at night at least one time if not more. Recently, she has gotten much worse. I have to fight her for hours for every nap and bedtime. It's exhausting for both of us and extremely stressful. The problem is that nothing seems to work. If I leave her in her crib to cry it out she will scream for however long I let her. I can walk with her, pat her, sing to her, play music, have white noises going, rock her, or leave her alone. She can be tired enough that she has a hard time keeping her eyes open, but she won't fall asleep. She does everything in her power to stay awake. She can be almost asleep with her eyes closed and everything and then she suddenly wakes up. She tosses her head back, her whole body goes rigid and she starts screaming all over again.

Being a stay at home mom makes this a HUGE issue for me. I worry and stress every day about nap times. I know it's going to be a battle so it puts me on edge for the entire day.  The stress of nap times in combination with this colder weather has us kind of homebound. We rarely leave because Sarah's naps are so unpredictable these days. On top of that, my car does not drive well when the roads are anything but dry. So if there is even a bit of snow on the ground there is a chance I could get stuck somewhere. Plus I just don't feel like it's a good idea to take a small baby out into cold weather just because I have cabin fever.

These stresses have been adding up and just making me a perpetual grump. I feel like I am constantly complaining,but I have no idea how to fix any of it. I know that I need to just suck it up and start going to the store or something so that our routine is changing a bit. Maybe that can fix both mine and Sarah's problems. If I am bored being at home then maybe she is too. But I am open to any suggestions on how to get Little Miss No Nap to sleep. Until then we'll both have dark circles under our eyes.

Nella's ONEder Fund

Kelle Hampton is a well known blogger and a great photographer. Her daughter Nella, was born almost a year ago and diagnosed with Down's Syndrome. Kelle's blog Enjoying The Small Things is a record of her journey as a mother and wife. It tells of her heartbreak at discovering that her Nella was different and how, now, she can't imagine her life without her. Here is a video that she put together in honor of Nella's birthday. Please take the time to watch it and consider donating to this wonderful cause!

40 weeks and 3 days

That's how old Sarah is today. Coincidentally, that's also how long I was pregnant with her. So she has officially been an "outside" baby for the same amount of time she was an "inside" baby. It's crazy how much faster the time has gone since she was born.

I remember being newly pregnant and thinking that 40 weeks was such a long time to wait to meet my baby. And by third trimester, I was convinced that the time was absolutely CRAWLING. I honestly thought that the hours of each day were just dragging on and on. Of course I attribute that to my hugely swollen body and my general discomfort there at the end. What can I say? Excessive swelling and a nearly 50lb weight gain will do that to you. But finally April 2, 2010 came. And even though I was nervous about the unknowns of childbirth and labor, I was ready to meet Sarah.

Right before we headed to the hospital.

At the hospital ready to have this baby.

But once Sarah was born my perception of time did a complete 180! From the day she was born I felt like if I blinked I would miss something. Every morning I would wake up and swear that Sarah had changed overnight. I prayed for time to slow down so I could savor each minute of sweet babyhood. She's gone from such a small, squishy, immobile newborn to a loud, active, almost walker!

So in honor of today here is "vintage" Sarah.

In the nursery

Getting weighed

Finally pinking up

Sarah is 9 Months Old

When did that happen? She is at the age now where if I blink, I miss something. She is getting so big and learning something new every day. I think this time in her life is so much fun but also exhausting!

Here's the run down of how big she is and what she can do now.

• 18 lb 6.4 oz (40%)
• 27 1/2" (48%)
• Head Circum 45 cm (80%) I told you she was smart. :)
• She can walk now people. It's just a few steps here and there and she still prefers crawling. BUT she walks. 9 months old and already walking. My life is gonna get a whole lot crazier when she gets it all figured out.
• She pulls up on ANYTHING! Her favorite place to stand is the TV stand. She likes to push the buttons on the TV and just hang on to the stand. 
• She thinks the blinds that cover our sliding glass door are an appropriate chew toy.
• Peekaboo is her new favorite game. She will cover her face with a blanket or a book and wait for you to ask "Where's Sarah?'. Then she takes it off and laughs like crazy! I think this is adorable.
• Sarah's favorite toy is her Playskool push toy that converts to a car. This thing practically lets her run across the apartment.

• She eats 3 jars or more of baby food a day. She still loves sweet potatoes and practically any fruit flavor. She also eats puffs/cheerios 2 times a day.
• We are going to start introducing more table foods soon. Sarah's doctor gave us the okay for eggs, cheese, and even peanut butter. I may hold off on the peanut butter for a while though.
• Sarah stands without holding on to things for nearly a full minute. And when she starts to lose her balance she gets up on tiptoe and does this little hop dance thing.
• She is cutting 6 teeth. The pediatrician said we are in for a rough few weeks. One of her top two is already visible but the rest of her teeth are just little red bumps on her gums.
• Her laugh recently changed to this adorable giggle! I LOVE IT! However Daddy always gets more laughs than Mommy, which I think is totally not fair!
• Oh and she likes to play the drop it and you pick it up game. I HATE that game. Especially if we are in a public place.

All in all, my baby is well on her way to becoming a more independent person. I can't believe that in 3 short months we will be having her first birthday party. Mama needs to get on the ball and start planning and picking a theme/decor idea for it.

Wordless Wednesday